just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
