I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
