I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
