all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
