My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's shark week go big or go home
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
