Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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