Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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