She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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