Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
