so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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