I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize