i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
