At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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