Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
