After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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