Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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