well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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