They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you never un-have a 4some
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
