for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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