i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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