do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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