The best revenge is premature balding
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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