Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
