Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The air taste purple.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
