Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
