Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
