Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
