it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
