I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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