Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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