Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
