my vag is so smooth its legendary
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
