White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
