I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
