If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize