Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
