so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
