so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
