my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
