Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
