I wish life had little blips of pornography
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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