Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He passed out mid-signature
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
