fuck your aforementioned shoe
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
