You made me cry and you don't even care
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
