its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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