you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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