You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
