I wannas sexs uuuuu
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
