Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
