Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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