How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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