Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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