Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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