sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
