you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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