Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
