whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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