so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
