Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
