I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
