At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
