you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
