The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
