with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize