i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
