I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
