How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize